My favorite hobby is talking sh*t about anything associated with Wazzu, so naturally Apple Cup week is my favorite week of the year.
Q: What should the Cougs do if they win the coin toss?
A: Defer til’ next year.
Get it? Like they shouldn’t’ even bother playing. Wow, like how creative am I? Take a look at the UW Dawgpound for some more jokes to pepper you Coug friends with.
One thing you can always count on is Cougs being fair-weather fans. That’s one of the large reasons I detest them. I can name three players on the Wazzu football team, more than most people that claim to me they are Cougar fans. I have been perusing the Apple Cup event wall on Facebook the past few weeks, and after looking at the comments posted by Wazzu fans, I decided there were two comments that were the most unique, “Go Cougs”, and “F*ck the Huskies”. C’mon Cougs, your better than that, you couldn’t even come up with “Huck the Fuskies”? Remember how Kavario Middleton wanted to put up 50 on the 2009 Cougs, well I want 50 against this years version. Anything can happen in rivalry games, we know that. And it is never good to underestimate or disrespect your opponent, but it’s okay to be honest, right?
This Cougar defense is no better than a varsity high school teams defense. Hugh McElhenny could come back on Saturday, at the ripe age of 81, and rush for 100 yards against these guys.
Too bad Damon Huard will be up in the booth (does Martin Stadium even have a booth?) for the game. The most enjoyable part of last year’s Apple Cup was watching Damon unleash a non-stop assault on former Wazzu QB Jason Gesser both at halftime and at after the game. He took every chance he could to rub the Huskies dominance in Gesser’s face, and all he could do was sit and take it.
Damon was like a 4th grader seeing naked breasts for the first time. He’s witnessing the single greatest thing to this point in his life, but at this point he doesn’t know how many more opportunities he’ll have to enjoy this marvel. So he milks it (no pun intended) for all it’s worth, and gets every bit of satisfaction he can out of it.
Anyways, I think Husky fans will be feeling that same, sweet satisfaction Saturday night. Here’s what to look for during the game Saturday:
1. A pre-game skirmish will break out between the Huskies and Cougars. Whether at midfield during warm-ups, or at the mouth of the tunnel (does Martin Stadium even have a tunnel) when the teams are coming onto the field, expect the Dawgs and Cougs to throw down. The Cougars have built up testosterone from not playing in nearly three weeks, the Huskies are a confident bunch, and these two teams just flat out hate each other. Jake and Casey Locker will be seen embracing in a hug in the middle of the skirmish.
2. The question everyone id wondering, will Paul Wulff be wearing a headset. Earlier this year on his weekly radio show, Wulff said he likes to be able to have conversations with the young players on the sideline, and wearing a headset makes that hard. I’m starting to understand why the Cougars have 3 wins (D-2 opponents don’t count) in 3 years. I’m guessing he’ll wear one this week, it’s going to be cold and he’ll want to keep his ears warm.
3. After their pre-game embrace, on the Huskies first drive Casey comes up to try and stop Jake on a QB keeper, only to receive a stiff arm from his cousin, the likes of which no one has seen since West Keliikipi (if you haven’t seen it, look it up). The result, a broken jaw for Casey and a 36 yd TD run for Jake. Huskies lead 8-0 after a Folk runs for the 2pt. conversion.
4. Wazzu QB Jeff Tuel (pronounced ‘tool’) lives up to his name, throwing a pick to Nate Fellner in his first attempt of the game, and tearing his ACL chasing after him, as Fellner rumbles into the end zone. Huskies 15-0.
5. Snow won’t be a part of this Apple Cup.
6. By halftime 10,000 fans remain, 9,500 of which are Husky fans. Huskies 33-0.
7. With the game comfortably in hand, Sark sends in Cody Bruns to kick a field goal in the waning minutes. That will round out the most complete performance in Pac-10 history as Bruns, made a field goal, punted, returned a punt, had a reception, carried the ball, completed a pass, kicked off, held a field goal, made a tackle, and forced and recovered a football.
8. After a 47-3 victory, with the Apple Cup trophy in Jake Locker’s hands, he is carried off the field by his teammates. And a career, that at one point this season looked to be lost, is restored. And while it wasn’t the magical season many thought it would be, in a way it can be looked at as an even more glorious ending to his career.